Selfishness Checklist

Copyright © 2005 - 2011 Richard P. Fitzgibbons

Selfishness is one of the major enemies of married love. This common personality weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It is a major cause of marital anger, conflict and divorce. It turns a person in upon himself/herself, thereby severely damaging the ability to give oneself cheerfully in marriage. Also, it interferes with the development of true betrothed marital love because the person has great difficulty in moving from "me to we" and in surrendering oneself to one's spouse. Unless it is uncovered and resolved by growth in virtues, selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted persons.

The recognition of this weakness is a struggle for most people. Fortunately, with hard work and growth in virtues and with a strong spiritual life, selfishness can be resolved.

Please complete the following selfishness checklist by identifying the appropriate number which applies to your spouse and to you using this scale:

0 - Never | 1 - Very Little | 2 - Moderately Often | 3 - Very Often

Grandiose thinking
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Insensitive to loved ones
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Excessively angry when everything doesn't go as one wants
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Exaggerated sense of self importance
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Very sloppy
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Strong sense of entitlement
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Expects automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Manipulative
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Uses others to obtain one's ends
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Treats spouse as a sexual object
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Critical of others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Lacks empathy
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Unwilling to identify with the feelings and needs of others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Acts like a spoiled child
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Always demands to have one's own way
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Talks about oneself excessively
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Failure to attend to the needs of others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Is often envious of others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Believes that others are always jealous of him or her
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Constantly looking at one's reflection
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Tends to avoid responsibility in some major area of life
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Lacks empathy for others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Lazy
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Failure to care about important matters
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Acts helpless to get one's way
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Clings to the sick role
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Refuses to give oneself romantically or sexually
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Blames others for failures or shortcomings
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Doesn't enjoy giving
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Seeks to be center of attention
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Financially not supportive
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Tries to turn all conversations upon oneself
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Substance abuse
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Plays excessively to avoid responsibility
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Excessive eating
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Always portray self as the victim
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Explosive anger
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Resents doing work in the home
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Obsessed with physical appearance
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
When something goes wrong it's always someone else's fault
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Requires excessive admiration
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Exaggerates physical and emotional symptoms as a way to control
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Lack of genuine interest in others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Uses others sexually
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Very controlling
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Doesn't pay attention to the person he or she is talking to
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Expects self to be perfect
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Tends to seek power or influence over others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Lack of temperance
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Reacts to criticism with strong anger
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Unwilling to cook or care for the home
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Goes on own vacations
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Financially irresponsible
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Unwilling to express appreciation to others
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Ruin birthdays or special family events
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Limited openness to children
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Insists on using artificial contraceptives
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Not sensitive to a child's desire for a brother or a sister
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often
Chooses to divorce rather than to work on marital difficulties
Never Very Little Moderately Very Often

Selfishness Total:

A score below 30 indicates a low level selfishness; a score of 30 to 60, a moderate level of selfishness and above 60 a high level of selfishness.

Copyright © 2005 - 2011 Richard P. Fitzgibbons